I unpublished my books
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[00:00:00] I was getting ready to publish my third book this year. I was very excited, and I was feeling a little bit behind on my third book, and then I realized I don't think I really finished or completed my books one and two that were already available that I had said to myself, "I'm gonna go back and improve them when I have time," quote-unquote.
[00:00:23] And then it dawned on me they're still out there. And I made a snap decision, and I pulled them both off the shelf, the digital shelf
[00:00:32] We are finally in season eight of the Creative Life In Motion show, where we don't wait until we reach our goals to be happy. We fall in love with who we are being along the way, even if it looks messy. And today, I'm contemplating out loud with you, so we can contemplate together, on this specific question Who am I when I am not getting things done?
[00:00:56] That's a good one, right? I hold this identity, this feeling that once I get this book published, I'm going to get a check mark because I must be a good person because I'm getting something done. Is that how I think? But let's get into today's topic. Who am I if I am not getting things done? And I'm also gonna explain why, you know, decluttering your creative area, um, especially if you've had... Like, if you've been like me and you've been online and you've been creating things for, you know, maybe the last decade, and you have things and ideas stored away in boxes and digital boxes, maybe clearing that creative clutter, that might be the best thing that you do this year.
[00:01:48] Let's get into it.
[00:01:49] I'll explain the backlist problem that I feel like nobody talks about until you start to research on what it takes to self-publish your second book and your third book, or maybe you research things on how do I actually start to, uh, have a sustainable living on the writing that I do? And usually authors are saying, or indie authors or published authors are saying, "Well, develop a backlist."
[00:02:18] Because once you publish, you know, third and fourth book, people get excited and they wanna read what you've last done.
[00:02:26] So that's what triggered me to actually look at my first two books, and I'll explain. The first one was, is actually, I'm s- it's still available on my website as a digital and, and it w- is the first one that I am going to improve because it really is something that I am literally going through myself.
[00:02:48] So it was the Ideas in Motion Journal and Planner, and this is a way to declutter what's going on and the ideas and what I need to move forward with. And I, and I put it down in a system on, on paper so that I could share it with, with other people, and it's a digital download.
[00:03:07] Instead of calling it a mistake that I made, I wanna say what I needed to improve. Because honestly, I feel like if I hadn't gotten this, what I'm calling now the rough draft, out into the world, I wouldn't know where I wanted to improve it. See, motion creates clarity. So the thing that I want to improve is the fact that the ISBN is by Amazon, and I live in Canada.
[00:03:32] ISBNs are free. I have an account already. I would like it to be under my ISBN. I also want to change the, the, uh, cover and a few things inside, you, you know, user... Make it more user-friendly, make it a little bit better and more targeted, the cover, and I... You know, lots of, a few different improvements. I also wanna brand it with the show name, because essentially that's what it is.
[00:04:02] And honestly, when, when I published this, when I self-published this on Amazon, I kinda just wanted to go through the motions of self-publishing something so that I knew how to do it for book number two, which is, y- you guys have heard of this before, the Be Weightless: Like Your Body, Love Yourself. Now, book number two, I have this...
[00:04:26] I had basically, um, written all of this in an online course called the Love Your Body Now Club that never really went anywhere. And so I pulled all of the things that I had written in that course back in 2016, and then as I was pulling out all these personal stories to really lock in, uh, the, what, what I was trying to say in this book, I went through this process where I had the whole thing written and self-published within 90 days.
[00:05:01] Now, here's the thing. I rushed through a lot of stuff, and secondary, it, again, it has Amazon's ISBN on it. I want my ISBN on it. Um, I want my publishing house, my self-publishing house on it. So I would like to make it better. I made some rushed decisions, uh, and that was because I wanted to get it in my mother's hands by her birthday.
[00:05:30] Uh, and, and I, I succeeded with that, and I had always said, you know, "I'm gonna go back and improve it." But then it, you know, if you've been following me, you know that instead of a keynote, I ended up doing a one-woman show to promote the book, that I never promoted the book, but I kind of got carried away in the one-woman show, which no regrets.
[00:05:51] That was so amazing. Uh, but then, you know, as a creative, I had already moved on to the next thing and started writing, uh, two more books.
[00:06:02] Because the backlist is important, I'm like, "Okay, well, I need to bring these off the shelf and make them better before I self-publish book number three." And this way I can kind of bring them all together, kinda link them together if I improve them
[00:06:19] So I made that call, and it kinda even surprised me. And at this time, you can only get physical books through me or my audiobook on my website of this current book, which will probably be changing as I, I don't know, refurbish it. Is that what they say? It's what you do to a couch. I don't know if that's what you do to a book.
[00:06:41] A couple weeks ago, after I had sat down and thought about what I had just done, and then the knowledge of now having, uh, one, two, three, four, five unfinished projects in my Google Drive, feeling like everything is collecting dust, I almost went into this, like, panic mode.
[00:07:06] Like, "What the heck have I done?"
[00:07:08] I have all these books that are now unfinished. It feels like nothing is finished. If I go into my tower, I call it the content tower because it's literally stuffed with ideas that I seem to keep r- reinventing the same thing. I feel like I'm going in circles, and then I don't realize that I've already written that or I've already done that, and I do it again, and then I go and find something that I've done.
[00:07:38] It's, it says the exact same thing that I wrote maybe seven years ago. It's, it's bananas. So I feel like I had so much digital clutter, all these things that were undone. I literally quit for, like, 24 hours
[00:07:54] I had to remind myself that I can do hard things. I can finish things. I would go for a run and I would finish a run. I could finish an exercise program. I can finish what I start in so many different things. I had to continue to prove myself that I can actually finish what I started. But is anything really ever finished when it comes to creative?
[00:08:16] We can always improve. We can improve and improve and improve, and at some point we need to just move on, right? We need to just put it out there. So at the same time, where everything feels so f- unfinished, it's alw- also, like, very delicious at the same time. So I- I'm, like, really enjoying the fact that in this season, I'm, I'm, I'm making things better.
[00:08:43] I'm no longer creating. I know what I need to make better, and that's giving me this weird peace and scatteredness all at the same time. Can you relate to
[00:08:58] So it dawned on me that the books are just the surface of something, you know, I'm just scratching the surface of s- of something else in my creative life, which is why I brought it onto the show, right?
[00:09:09] So this past year in 2026, I've been clearing more clutter, creative clutter. I've been clearing more clutter inside and out. And, and what does that look like? Well, I've been spending a lot less time on social media, things that are kinda cluttering my head space with stuff that I don't really need in it I've been clearing the physical space, the physical clutter in my office, in the home.
[00:09:40] Um, you know, just kind of not quite a Swedish death cleaning, but just kind of really looking at things and am I using this? How am I using this? If I'm not using it, it's gone. So I think the physical environment around us, um, if it's cluttered, it can actually create creative clutter ' cause I find the more I let go of, uh, the more ease things flow creatively
[00:10:09] I have more digital clutter than I really would like to have. So I've been going through, like, the archives of my Google Drives and again, like, just getting rid of things. Am I using this?
[00:10:23] Have I made it better? Does it need to be here? I have, like, over 500 voice notes on my phone, which I would call digital clutter because they're not labeled. I don't know what they are. Another thing on my to-do list. I've done quite a bit of traveling this past year. I ended up doing more than I had anticipated. And because of that, I found myself in, in different environments, and I found that some were, were lacking creativity in that space, and some were beaming with creativity in space.
[00:10:58] I think it's time to make room for what's truly ours in this next season of our life
[00:11:04] So if any of this is resonating with you, make sure that you subscribe because it's, it's where we're going this year
[00:11:11] So when everything feels unfinished, or when you have so many ideas that you don't know which one to start with, who are you? Who were you? Maybe you're going through a life transition now. Maybe you're in a new empty nest. Maybe you've just retired. And maybe for the first time in a long time, you have a moment to sit down and actually ask yourself, "Who am I?
[00:11:37] And what do I actually want for myself?"
[00:11:40] If you have a ton of unfinished projects, I mean, I was looking around my unfinished projects when I was having my little temper tantrum, and the list filled up an entire page in my notebook of everything that I felt was unfinished. And I looked at it and I had a conversation with my husband, and we talked about it, and he said, "You know, you don't need to be obsessed with finishing things because sometimes things can never be finished."
[00:12:12] And he's talking about work, and he's also talking about life. Like, we don't need to rush to finish because as soon as something is finished, there's gonna be something else to start. And so it's that high productivity mindset, right? That idea and, and worth and what you produce, that's the identity, and that's how we're perceived as valuable
[00:12:42] Now, as I uncover this shadow in me, this thing that I'm not really enjoying about myself, this actual real talk and uncovering where am I feeling unworthy, because this is how it's showing up, in feeling as though I need to produce stuff, and that's attached to my, my worthiness. Uh, the harder I work, the, the better people will think I am.
[00:13:11] The more I achieve, the more attention I will get. And it can be very humbling to look at your own shadows, but I also believe that shadow and the light, they dance together. And when we are able to see both sides of them and allow them to live within our- ourselves, um, together without judgment, without feeling guilt, I, I think that that creates a more peaceful flow.
[00:13:44] Because trying to let it go or trying to push it out of your system when, when it's inevitably kind of part of who you are
[00:13:54] It's har- it's harder than accepting it, seeing it, and moving through it, and asking yourself the hard questions, and so that, so that you can make better decisions. So I had to sit down and ask myself, "Well, who the heck am I when I'm not accomplishing things?" And maybe this is something that you wanna do for yourself too.
[00:14:17] Like, who are you when nothing is finished? Who are you without the label? Who are you without a niche, without a job, without an identity? And so this is how my list went. I write a lot. I have so many ideas, but I'm not the n- idea girl because, you know, that's not my niche. I don't fit neatly in a niche, like they all want you to show up online.
[00:14:44] What's your YouTube channel about? What... Who are you talking to? Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. That's not me. It's never been me. So stop forcing it
[00:14:52] I love stories. I love connecting with stories. I love telling them. I love hearing them. Little ones, big ones, deep ones, things that you would never say out loud,
[00:15:04] Stories that have no purpose whatsoever except for that, you know, they make you smile. Uh, and I don't like the stories that have an ulterior motive, and that's not the type of stories that I like. Human connection stories that help you communicate messages, anecdotes, and help us be more human Without a motive or a strategy
[00:15:31] I like to go really deep in conversation, like really fast. Like, I literally skip the small talk. And I think people feel that, and I've always felt invited to go there when I do go there. But sometimes I can kinda push over the edge and give that effect where the person in front of me just gets, like, wider and wider-eyed.
[00:15:57] And I, I don't know, what are they thinking? Are they thinking, like, "She's talking to me like this is my last day on Earth and, and she's never gonna see me again, and she's, like, getting everything out that she loves about me"? Um, yeah, it can, it can turn awkward real fast. But, but that's okay. It always... I, I always deliver it in a place of honesty, and I think that sometimes we're not used to being gushed over.
[00:16:24] We're not used to being complimented and, and actually receiving those complimented, compliments. I know for myself, like, when someone gives me a compliment, my cheeks get red and I'm just, like, all bashful. Even though I might know that about myself, but hearing it from someone else, it just ignites a different type of energy in my body.
[00:16:49] How do you feel about compliments?
[00:16:51] I'm inviting you to come along with me for season eight of the Creative Life in Motion podcast. It's kinda hard to believe that I've been doing this now for eight years. Like, I don't have eight years' worth of episodes. I'm kinda like more like Grey's Anatomy.
[00:17:06] I'll produce, like, maybe a dozen and make you wait for a long time. But my whole idea is really making sure that we have conversations every week. That's, that's my goal. But I'm also trying to not pressure myself to, you know, do the hustle wagon, um, and ensure that I'm bringing things that is, is actually kinda useful and fun to do.
[00:17:35] It has to be fun, 'cause we don't wait until we reach our goals to be happy. We fall in love with who we are being on the way, and I like to walk the talk, or talk the walk, or walk the talk. Something like that. But if I'm t- if I'm asking you to do something, I'm not asking you to do something that I'm not doing, right?
[00:17:56] So the, the first thing on my creative wagon is, uh, this, the, the planner, and, uh, not sure how this is gonna shake out, but last year in 2026, in January 2026, I said, "I'm gonna publish three books this year, and I'm gonna bring it all under my own publishing house," and well, how'd that work out for you? It didn't really.
[00:18:20] I'm kind of starting at the same place that I was last year, but with more unfinished stuff. So maybe tw- this year will be, like, the year of the, the year of the, um, polishing. We'll call it that, right? The polish and publish. Stick around, um, to see how that shakes out. I'm not gonna pretend that I have it figured out yet.
[00:18:42] There are so many things that have updated in the self-publishing world that some have made things easier, some have made things more complicated, but I do know that I want to do it a little bit differently this time, and, um, take you along with me for the ride
[00:18:59] So I have a question for you that you can answer in the comments if you're watching this on YouTube, is have you, have you ever put something out there and then snatched it back and said, "No, no, no, I don't want anyone to see this. Just kidding." It's not like that, but I mean, it feels like that. Tell me about it below.
[00:19:19] If you made it to the end of this episode, I have a feeling you're someone who asks the harder questions, too, just like me.
[00:19:27] Not just how do I finish, but who am I in it?
[00:19:31] That's exactly what this podcast is for. So stick around.
[00:19:35] Hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next week. I sat down with an expert, and we talked about how you can create an environment to support your dreams, your life, your work. And just like all conversations that I have, there wasn't very much small talk. We went in deep, and it's a really great conversation.
[00:19:55] I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Thanks so much for being here, and talk soon.
[00:20:01] Bye.
